Our God is able!

Here are some new pictures of ShenShen.  How adorable is she?!?  Please continue to keep her in your prayers!  Pray that God will send a family for her soon, and that her health will remain stable in the meantime.

There are exciting things in the works for this little peanut.  I can't wait to see what the next few months have in store for her!  Huge mountains need to be moved for ShenShen to have a family, but our God is able! 

And though she be but little, she is fierce.  ~Shakespeare

...according to the graces we have received

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat... Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work.  -Mother Teresa

Yangshuo

Here are some pictures from my trip to Yangshuo.  It was a really amazing trip.  I knew this would likely be my last chance to travel before I head back to the States in June, so I chose a place that is known for its beauty and fun outdoor adventuring.  I've seen enough huge Chinese cities...I figured it was time to see something besides skyscrapers and pavement.  I also opted to take the train instead of flying not only because it's cheaper, but also because it's a great way to experience some of China's beautiful countryside.  It took 10 hours to get to our stop in Guilin, and I was so thankful for the opportunity to see everything between here and there.  Yangshuo did NOT disappoint!  It was breathtaking!

Day 1:  Traveling from Beijing to Yangshuo 

Day 2:  Biking and Kayaking

Day 3: Climbing 

Being an expat is...

Sometimes we all just need a good dose of humility.  My life in China is pretty much that.  One big dose of humility... Here are my top 5 expat moments from this week.


5. Being an expat is...telling a taxi driver, "I don't know what the street is called.  There's a building with (using finger to draw zigzags in the air while making a "ch-ch-ch-ch" sound) at the top. I think it's a flower."

4. Being an expat is...being told by a child, "No, actually you say it this way. You used the wrong tone."

3. Being an expat is...unsuccessfully trying to use the kiosk at the phone company to pay your (overdue) bill. Entering and reentering your phone number not once, not twice, but three times, each time making a mistake and having to go all the way back to the home screen because you don't know which button says "clear".  After all that effort, you get an error message. try a new machine, and get another error message.  You tell the lady in your very best Chinese, "this machine has a problem but I don't know what because I can't read." Then comes lots of problem solving with the lady, restarting the phone approximately ten times, and paying more money (not sure why), all the while insisting your phone should have 3G, so why isn't it coming back on? You finally remember that you actually turned off the 3G when you went on vacation.  Oops.

2. Being an expat is...traveling all the way to a restaurant to see if they will be open tonight and to order takeout because you know you'd never be able to accomplish all of that on the phone...if you could even find their phone number, which is unlikely. 

1. Being an expat is...staring blankly at a wall of milk, knowing what you need but having no idea how to find it. There are a million options - boxes of milk, pouches of milk, cartons of milk, soy milk, chocolate milk, "cereal" milk (whatever that is).  You know the colors probably mean something (or at least they would in the States, but that's not necessarily true here). The red one is $0.03 cheaper than the blue one. Why?  You briefly get distracted by the honeydew milk, wondering who in the world thought that was a good idea. Swallowing your pride, you go to the dairy aisle worker and tell her, "Please help me.  I need milk but I can't read so I don't know if I want this one or another one." She says lots of things you don't understand.  You say, "Tomorrow at school, my students and I are making...making...." Shoot.  How do you say ice cream?  Bing means ice.  Bing something...  Bing bing something?  No.  Ugh!  "...making that really really cold ice milk stuff."  And so the awkward exchange continues until she shoos you away with three pouches of milk, which may or may not be what you set out for.  

a meaningful walk

Today I went with a friend to pray over the new 弃婴岛 that I blogged about last week.  It was a really special though personal experience, so I don't have much to say about it.  I would like to share some photos of the gate and the neighborhood surrounding it. Please join me in lifting up the children who will be left in this place.

I really love this neighborhood.  Since the orphanage moved to a new location last winter, I have really missed walking down these streets each Saturday and peeking into the alleyways.

It's a quirky little area with interesting restaurants and people.

This prayer doesn't really seem to apply, but for some reason it kept coming to my mind today.

Oh, Jesus!  Grant that you would be the object of my thoughts and affections.

The subject of my conversations, the end of my actions, the model of my life, my support in death, and my reward.

To know you, Christ.

-Mother Teresa

to be clear

This month marks a year and a half since I moved to China.  18 life-changing months.  18 beautiful, frustrating, exciting, lonely, unique, wonderful, painful, amazing months.  And in 5 more months, I'll be moving back to the United States.

But I want to be clear about something.  As much as I'm looking forward to the next season of my life, leaving China is going to be a huge loss for me. The possibility of never coming back here is heartbreaking.  I haven't been on a "trip" to China for the past year and a half.  I've built a life in China.  I have friends here.  I have a great job.  My students are wonderful. I love teaching ESL, and it's something I absolutely want to continue doing for a very long time. I love living in TJ (most of the time).  Have these months been perfect?  Absolutely not. Has it been an incredibly difficult journey?  Uh, yeah. But that's not why I've decided not to stay after this school year.

So then why?

I miss my family, yes.  I miss my home. I miss my friends and the amazing community of believers I have there.  I miss clean air. But more than that, I miss the students I had in the States. The reality of my situation in China is that I'm spending a vast majority of my time among the privileged, and my heart aches to be among the poor. I miss waking up in the morning and knowing what I was going to do that day mattered.  I know what I'm doing here is significant, but I also know that it's not where I belong - not long-term, anyway.  I need to be in a workplace and in a community that seeks to love the poor.

There's a song by Hillsong called "Hosanna" that says:

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours

Everything I am for your kingdom's cause

As I walk from earth into eternity

I have prayed for these things.  When I moved here I asked God to teach me how to love, to put desires in my heart that reflect His.  The longer I've been here, the more He has shown me what moves my heart and what I'm passionate about...but more importantly, what He's passionate about.  And the truth is, if I stayed here there would always be a gaping hole in my life where poor children and unbelieving coworkers should be.

As I've asked Him to break my heart for what breaks His, He has given me such clarity.  Overcrowded, underfunded public schools break my heart.  Kids who were dirty and hungry break my heart.  Kids who constantly have lice break my heart.  Kids who are helping raise their younger siblings because their parents are addicts break my heart. Refugees.  Foster kids.  Homeless men, women, and children. Orphans.  Children who don't know stability break my heart.  And I want to be a part of it.

For he delivers the needy when he calls,
the poor and him who has no helper.
He has pity on the weak and the needy,
and saves the lives of the needy.  Psalm 72:12-13

Give justice to the weak and the fatherless;
maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.
Rescue the weak and the needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked.   Psalm 82:3-4

The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. Psalm 103:6

Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the Lord his God,
who made heaven and earth
the sea, and all that is in them,
who keeps faith forever;
who executes justice for the oppressed,
who gives food to the hungry.
The Lord sets the prisoners free...  Psalm 146:5-7

She opens her hand to the poor

and reaches out her hand to the needy.  Proverbs 31:20

I have loved this beautiful season in my life, but I know it's only meant to be a short one.

Someone asked me, "But I thought you were called to Asia?" I struggled with this for a while.  Some days I still do.  Am I just being a quitter?  Am I running away because it's hard?  (And believe me, it IS hard.) But then if I stayed, would I only be staying BECAUSE it's hard?  Would I be trying to prove something?  A friend reminded me that God doesn't need me to save this country.  He's already doing that.  He, because of His goodness, has allowed me to be part of the work He is doing for a short time...and I am so thankful.  He has used this time to open my eyes to so many things, to refine my faith, to help me face the sinfulness of my heart and my need for a Savior, to give me perspective, and to help me see His Son in different ways than I could have in the States.

"It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you

 are.  But, it is absolutely vital to grasp that he didn't call you 

there so you could settle in and live your life in comfort and 

superficial peace."  -Francis Chan

We're called to die to ourselves and run after Jesus.  We're called to love people.  We're called to serve.  We're called to be faithful whether we're in Asia or the Middle East or the midwest...the biggest cities, or the most remote villages.  Sometimes calling has little to do with geography.

So, there it is. Please be praying for me over the coming months.  I have a lot of decisions to make.  I don't know where I'm going to work or what I'm going to do after I leave.  I don't know what it will look like to readjust to life in the States.  I don't know how I will fit back into my church community.  I'm going to pay my mortgage somehow, I hope, but besides that I don't really have a plan.  But that's okay, because I know my God does.

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."
--Corrie Ten Boom

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
-Oceans by Hillsong

abandoned island

My heart is heavy.  I have been trying to wrap my mind around this since I heard about it yesterday.  Then I found this link today:

http://slide.tj.sina.com.cn/news/slide_48_43040_201913.html#p=7

This is the orphanage where I volunteer.  Well, the old facility.  They moved most of the kids to a new campus about a year ago.  Now they have turned the old guard building into a place to leave babies anonymously.  A place to abandon precious children.  A place to discard real human beings with real souls and real futures.

 The browser I use translated one of the Chinese captions on that site as:  "Tianjin "abandoned island" is enabled to receive the first baby girl."

Abandoned island. The words make me cringe. In Chinese, the name is actually 弃婴岛.  弃 "qi" means to abandon, discard, throw away, or relinquish, 婴 "ying" means infant or baby, and 岛 "dao" means island.

It breaks my heart that there is even a need for a place like this.  We truly live in a broken world. I was told that within the first week the shelter was open, five children were dropped off.  That's almost one a day.  That's five mothers who had to make the decision to abandon their children. Five women who are now walking around this city with a huge secret and the weight of the world on their shoulders.  Five mothers who, thankfully, loved their children enough to leave them in a warm, safe place rather than the many horrible alternatives.  Five children who need to be given a chance.  Five families that need Hope.

I don't know how to process this, so for now I'm just praying.  I'm praying for a heart of understanding.  I'm praying that the people who leave their children in this place, or in any place, will find Hope.  I'm praying that the Father will lead them to himself... that this will be made known to them and to their children: "For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.  For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, 'Abba!  Father!'"

slide.tj.sina.com.cn