...to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly...

My brain really can't put into words what my heart experienced today.

This post is mostly for my own processing, but please feel free to read about my experience. It's all part of the journey.

Today I went to the orphanage for the first time. As I was mentally preparing myself early this morning, I was keenly aware that this was going to change me. I wasn't sure what to expect, but it was what I imagined in some ways, yet nothing like I imagined.

We signed in with the guards at the gate and the lady who works with volunteers took us into the big orange building.  The first floor is a medical ward, so volunteers aren't typically permitted there.  After seeing some of the building, we went to the second floor where the babies are.  The older kids have recently been moved to another larger facility, so all of the children in this particular orphanage are under the age of 3 or 4.  We peeked into a room where babies were sleeping.  Then we visited the toddler room, and my heart immediately broke for the sweet faces I saw there.  There was one little boy walking around, a volunteer was holding a baby with a feeding tube, and the rest were in their beds.  Some were sitting up and some with more severe disabilities aren't able to sit up.  One little boy completely stole my heart... He is missing half of one arm.  He was so curious and kept looking at me and touching my hands.  He showed me his little shoes and gave me a half-smile. A lady told me that people were interested in adopting him but they gave up so now he doesn't have a family waiting for him.  He is so worth fighting for!  I hope I get to see him again next week.

 We peeked into a few other rooms on our way to the infant rooms.  When we got there, the Ayis swept into the hallway with babies and bottles, and before I knew what was happening, each of us was handed a baby to feed.  My baby, ChiChi (My best guess at the Chinese spelling...) wasn't hungry, so I just held her, rocked her, talked to her, and lifted her up to the Father-that someone will see her as an incredible blessing and give her a home.  She was so, so sweet.  Apparently she was brought in as a premie and now she's about 4 or 5 months old.  Next I held another little guy who is only 1 month old.  He held my gaze the whole time I was talking to him.  I snuggled him up on my chest and tried to understand how someone could abandon such a precious baby...a precious life.  I kissed his tiny head and put him back into his bed... He cried as I walked away, so I went back and rubbed his belly and talked to him for another minute, and he stopped crying.  When I walked away he started wimpering again but I had to go.  It killed me to leave him there, but I was so thankful for the women who spend their days caring for him and the other children.  They have such a tough, thankless job.

I went into another room and was greeted by a big smile from BingBing.  I tickled her belly and she giggled... The baby in the crib next to her just stared at me curiously.  I talked to them for a minute and just took it all in...still trying to understand...praying for someone to love them...praying for a home and a future for them...thanking Him that His love for me allows me to love them.

Next we saw the activity room where volunteers and Ayis can take babies to play.  There were lots of toys on the shelves and I'm looking forward to the opportunity to use them with the babies.  We saw one more room on our way out - a room lined with at least 15 cribs, each with a little one in it.  It was time for their nap, so the Ayis were getting them settled in.  When we walked in, one baby started crying, which caused another baby to cry, and so on.  It was so overwhelming...

When we left, I asked the lady if I can come back next week and she said I can.  I'm excited for the opportunity to be involved - not because it's fun, but because holding a baby that may otherwise spend most of its day in a crib is worth it... because being consistent and loving is such a simple way to show them that someone loves them and that their Creator loves them... because He adopted me.

Here are a few verse that have been ringing in my heart all day... 
“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
 "...to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly..."

I wish I could post photos of these little ones but I'm not allowed to take pictures.  Just know that they are precious.