Falling in love

As I was preparing to leave for China, I can't tell you how many people said, "You're going to find love there."  I laughed every time I heard that because when I accepted this job, I also accepted that I likely had many more years of being single ahead of me. What I didn't expect was that I actually WOULD find love here, and I didn't expect to find it in such unexpected places - in the faces of the college students I'm becoming friends with...in the laughter and the tears of the orphans I visit on Saturday mornings...in hugs from the students the Father has entrusted to me...in the cold, cold, short days and long nights of the city I now call "home."

I'm reading a book titled Love Does. In the introduction, the author says, "...we need to stop plotting the course and just land the plane on our plans to make a difference by getting to the "do" part of our faith.  That's because love is never stationary.  In the end, love doesn't just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it.  Simply put: love does."

 For the past few weeks, since I started reading this book, I've been looking at every situation and thinking, "The Father is love.  I'm called to be a woman after His own heart.  So....What would love do in this situation?"

So two weeks ago, when I was invited to travel into a really poor area of town to spend some time in a cold, dark, 2 room house with a group of amazing, beautiful people who don't speak my language, I  went. I sat on a tiny stool and listened to their songs and laughter and words I didn't understand, all the while wearing my coat because the house was so cold.  And those people back in the States were right.  I fell in love that day -- with children who have nothing...with families who are living in shells of houses that are surrounded by the remains of their former community...and with the One who created them all.

This week I was invited to a program to watch those same children sing in a Christmas program. I knew the program would be very long.  I knew it would all be in Chinese and I would barely understand a word. I knew I would likely be the only person there with white skin and blonde hair (and I was).  Despite these things, when I stopped and thought, "What would love do?" I knew the answer: love would go.  So I went. I sat for 3 hours and understood a word here and a word there.  I didn't do much of anything, actually, besides show up.  When the children were finished performing, I found them and told them what a great job they did, and that was really the extent of my contribution to the whole thing.  But I was THERE, and I believe that the hours I spent there wondering what in the world was going on were worth it because they saw that someone was there FOR them.  And to be honest, at the end of it all, I was the one who walked away having been so blessed by the things I saw and heard, which usually seems to be the case with these kinds of things. Then I look back on all the times (even this week) that I passed up an opportunity to show His love because I was too "busy" or tired or just unwilling, and it hurts.  So my prayer is that I choose to be fully engaged in the adventure laid out before me from here on out, one day at a time.

"When people realize there is no agenda other than friendship and better understanding, it changes things."
"I get the invitation every morning when I wake up to actually live a life of complete engagement, a life of whimsy, a life where love does. It doesn't come in an envelope.  It's ushered in by a sunrise, the sound of a bird, or the smell of coffee drifting lazily from the kitchen.  It's the invitation to actually live, to fully participate in this amazing life for one more day... Turning down this invitation comes in lots of flavors. It looks like numbing yourself or distracting yourself or seeing something really beautiful as just normal. It can also look like refusing to forgive or not being grateful or getting wrapped around the axle with fear of envy.  I think every day God sends us an invitation to live and sometimes we forget to show up or get head-faked into thinking we haven't really been invited.  But you see, we have been invited - every day, all over again."--Love Does

Dec 15 Thoughts

As I try to go about my normal Saturday activities, all I can think about is how the teachers in Newtown, Connecticut experienced my worst nightmare yesterday.  My heart absolutely breaks for the people involved in this terrible, senseless shooting.  I think about the 14 precious children I care for day in and day out and wonder how anyone could even dream of hurting one of them.  They are so innocent, so defenseless... most of them can't even tie their own shoes.  The biggest challenge they face most days is deciding which color marker to choose or remembering which letter says, "a...a...a." They love silly songs and they will do almost anything for a jelly bean.  They are more than just my students...they are amazing children who I love dearly.

So my first thought today was, 'I'm glad I'm so far away from this horrible thing that has happened. I feel safer in China than I ever did in America.'

 And then I heard about this:  http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2012/12/14/china-school-stabbings/1770395/

I'm reminded that we live in a fallen, broken world.  I've found myself feeling a bit nauseous or panicked when I think about going into school on Monday.  This could happen anywhere.  When Monday comes, though, I'm still a teacher whose job is to love and nurture and educate.  My students are still kids who are coming to school to learn and play and be safe.  I don't have to live in fear because I have a Father in heaven who is in control, and I know I can trust Him no matter what lies ahead.  I've also been reminded of these pieces of Truth today...

This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast...Hebrews 6:19

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.  John 16:33

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  Psalm 147:3

Children are a gift from the Lord.  Psalm 127:3

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.  Revelation 21:4


But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles...

 They will run and not grow weary...

 They will walk and not faint.

  Isaiah 40:31

Visiting the Babies

The part of my week that I most look forward to is still hands-down Saturday mornings at the orphanage. I love those little babies more than words can describe.  I'll walk you through a typical Saturday morning so you can see why I love these few precious hours so much. 

7am - waking up early on Saturdays doesn't even bother me.  It's SUCH a privilege!

*There are usually some sort of Saturday morning shenanigans while I get ready and drink my coffee.  Today I Skyped in for some of Apex's Night of Worship.*

8am - catch the bus to the orphanage.  They recently moved the babies to a facility that's closer to my home, so it's a much shorter commute!  Hooray!  It's a much more crowded bus, though, so I don't always get a seat like I did before. I don't mind, though.  I typically use that time to pray for the babies and take a breath after a long week of teaching.  Today the bus driver almost passed up my stop, but some really kind Chinese ladies yelled up front and told him to stop and let me off.  Phewf!

8:45am - sign in with the guard and show him my embarrassingly terrible ID badge photo.

9am - sometimes I arrive early enough to help feed the babies.  They normally eat this gross porridge with white chunks of something in it.  They used to have me feed three babies from one bowl/spoon, but recently they've been letting me give the bigger babies their own bowl of food.  The ayis know I love Shen Shen, so they often let me feed her.  Last week when I walked in they handed me an inconsolable Dou Dou and a bowl of noodles.  He cried through the first half of the bowl, but we were best buds by the end.  I'm always amazed how much food their little bellies can hold. 

9:30-11am - we bring many of the babies to the play area to play.  The new orphanage is GREAT because each room has its own play area.  Before the move, the play area was down the hall and it was too much for the ayis to take all of the babies down there to play, so I imagine many days the room didn't get used.  Now there is space right there in the room and I LOVE coming in and seeing babies already out of their beds!  There are 4 little boys, Wei Wei, Dou Dou, Ror, and another new boy, who are pretty mobile and active, so they run around all morning and get into mischief. I love when they act like ornery little boys.  We try to bring as many of the babies into the play area as possible.  We aren't allowed to bring the babies who have feeding tubes, and there are other babies the ayis say "no" to for one reason or another, but we get to bring many of them over to play.  Some of them are able to roll or crawl around, and some of them lay in a boppy and hang out together. 

I try to divide my time between several babies and make sure they all get held, but it's so easy for me to hold Shen Shen and lose track of time.  My friend R from work is much better than me at making sure all the babies have been held.  Today I held Shen Shen for over an hour and she just laid with her head on my chest and didn't move.  I could hold her and rock her all day!  I tried to put her down a few times to hold the other babies, but every time I put her down she cried big crocodile tears and of course I couldn't stand it so I picked her back up.  The ayis were kind of laughing at me (from what I gathered through my almost nonexistent Chinese) because I'm a sucker, but I think they appreciate how much I love her and I think they are glad she has connected with me. For a while today I was holding Shen Shen with my arms and Wei Wei with my legs...haha.  Thankfully he's a silly boy and loved having me scoop him up with my legs and tickle him with my feet. My friend R helped me figure out that if I give Shen Shen a snack when I put her down, she doesn't cry.  So today I asked the ayi for a snack for Shen Shen so I could put her down, and the ayi came back with packets of seaweed.  Yes, seaweed. Strange, but it's China, so whatever. So I gave Shen Shen a few sheets of seaweed and propped her up on a boppy, and sure enough she was so focused on cramming the food in her mouth she didn't mind me putting her down.  A girl after my own heart.  :)  The seaweed was super messy, but it worked out great because even after she was finished eating she was busy trying to get the seaweed particles off her hands.  Score!

There's a new baby girl who I am also smitten with.  She absolutely makes me melt.  I just met her last week, and I asked her name today but I can't remember.  (I need to start writing them down.)  All of the babies got haircuts when they moved to the new facility, which makes it even harder to tell who is a boy and who is a girl.  I was almost positive when I met this sweet baby that she was a girl but I wasn't sure, so I asked my Chinese teacher to teach me how to ask, "Is it a boy or a girl?"  R had to help me remember the vocabulary, but we asked and confirmed that she is, in fact, a girl.  I knew she was too pretty to be a boy!!  She reminds me so much of my niece Sydney when she was really sick as a baby.  This little girl is so, so skinny.  I'm not sure what her disability is, but her body is very limp.  There is something wrong with one of her eyes as well.  And she has the most pitiful cry... Today R gave me a refresher course on how to swaddle a baby, so we swaddled little baby girl and when we weren't holding her we had her bundled up and laying nearby one of us.  She is such a beautiful treasure.  I pray that someday she learns about her Maker and finds refuge in Him!

I love those little lips!!

 R usually leaves the play area at some point to hold the babies who are still in their beds.  Sometimes I go with her and sometimes I can't pull myself away from Shen Shen. Today one of the ayis put Shen Shen back in her bed for me and got her to stop crying.  I hated seeing her go back into her crib, but I knew I needed that time to spend with some of the other babies.  There is one little boy who is so smiley.  They say he is a biter, so he doesn't get to play with the other babies.  He hasn't bitten me (yet) and I just love holding him and talking to him.  As I was holding him today, I took this picture of Shen Shen watching us.

I spy with my little eyes....

 I'm so blessed to have R there with me and I just love seeing her pour the Father's love into these little lives.  There is one boy who stays in the back of the room and doesn't get out of his bed often.  We think he is autistic.  Today they let R get him out and walk around the room with him.  He even got to play for a few minutes...right before he tried to break into the medicine cabinet.  Whoops. 

Around 10:45 we start putting the babies back in bed for their nap and we clean up the play area.  We go around and say our goodbyes.  Wei Wei is usually calling after us as we leave, "Bye bye!" 

The walk back to the bus stop always seems longer than the walk from the bus stop to the orphanage.  I'm always sad to leave, but every week my heart is overflowing with love for these little ones, and that's enough to keep me going until next week.

2 hours never seems like enough... I'm very excited for my upcoming Christmas vacation.  I'm pretty sure I'll be staying in town, so I'm hoping to spend many of my days at the orphanage. 

Thanks to everyone who asks me about the orphanage, prays for the babies, and loves them from afar!  Your encouragement means so much!

More Thailand - A Day with the Elephants

On Saturday we only had to attend the conference until noon, so we had all afternoon to see Thailand.  I chose to go see the elephants, and it far exceeded my expectations!  We got to ride them, feed them, and watch the trainers give them baths. My favorite part of the day was by far seeing their tricks.  Several of the elephants were standing near the fence, so we moved closer to get a quick photo.  The next thing we knew they were wrapping their trunks around us, putting hats on our heads, kissing us, and then asking for money.  It was a big surprise!  We couldn't resist, of course, so we let them do their tricks and then gave them money...multiple times.  It made for really fun pictures and I can say, "I got kissed by an elephant!"

I wish I could hang out on an elephant all day.... Maybe if teaching doesn't work out.