Kindness of a Stranger

Call me crazy, but I really like public transportation.  Sometimes, however, getting on the city bus gives me serious anxiety.  "Why?" you may ask.  Well, here's just a brief glimpse of what it's like on Tianjin public bus on a cold Saturday during the busiest traveling time of the year. 

I waited for what seemed like an eternity for the 829 to pull up in front of YG100, along with about 20 of my neighbors.  As the bus approached, I groaned to myself because it was already bursting at the seams.  As per usual, the other kind folks waiting on the bus rushed ahead of me as I bounced back and forth between them like a pinball.  I squeezed into the line, determined not to be the last one on the bus.  I don't like to PUSH in line, but I'm totally fine with SQUEEZING into the line.  Anyway, there was no more room in the front of the bus, so I had to swipe my card and then jog back to the other door.  Unfortunately, there was no room there, either.  I had already paid my ¥2, though, so I was determined to get on the bus.  I put my foot on the step, hoisted myself up as I grabbed the handle hanging just inside the door, and pulled myself into the crowd.  As soon as I got onto the bus, I smelled something horrible that I couldn't quite identify, but I have my suspicions about the guy sitting second from the back by the window.  Anyway, as I stood crammed in the middle of a sea of people, an elbow in my ribs and a dirty shoe on top of my own, I started to get a little claustrophobic.  To make matters worse, the bus driver started yelling in Chinese.  From the few words I understood, I think he was telling us to back up and make room.  Excuse me?  Back up where?  I have literally  never seen so many people on a bus, and I was already way too close to the lady beside me for comfort.  I seriously contemplated getting off at the closest stop and just taking a taxi, but again I was determined to press on.  Eventually we got to my stop and I fought my way off of the bus. 

The next day - Sunday...

I needed to take the bus again.  Memories of the crowd, the yelling bus driver, the odor, and the motion-sickness from the start-stop-start-stop-turn on 2 wheels-start-stop were still fresh in my mind.  I almost opted for a taxi or, better yet, traveling by foot.  I decided to at least scope out the 857 bus to see how crowded it was first.  Surprisingly it wasn't full at all.  There was only standing room...but at least there was room.  I got on and stood staring out the window, trying to make sense of the very loud phone conversation happening next to me. 

Sidenote*Something I love about traveling on the bus is that whenever an older person gets onto the bus, someone gets up and offers them a seat.  I try to practice this as well whenever I can. People are always genuinely appreciative.*

Okay, back to my story.

As the bus stopped, someone got out of their seat and an elderly woman sitting near me motioned me over to sit.  There were people sitting much closer to the vacant seat than me, so I didn't have any intentions of taking it, but the old lady insisted.  The other people standing around me nodded at the seat, so I sat down.  The lady patted me on the arm and smiled at me, so I said, "xie xie" and smiled back.  A few stops later, it was time for me to get off the bus.  The kind old lady tugged on my arm and pointed to my coat pocket where I had stuck my phone and bus card.  They were poking out of my pocket a little.  She made gestures that meant, "Be careful or someone will snatch those!"  I zipped my coat pocket, patted it to show my things were safe and sound, and said thank you again.  I smiled and patted her on the shoulder as I left the bus. 

That's when it occurred to me - kindness from a stranger can be totally nonverbal. 

I have been so discouraged lately that my Chinese is coming along slower than I would like, and friends keep telling me that there are so many things I can do to still love those around me, even without words.  I'm sorry to say I usually brush their comments off, like, "yeah, yeah...but it would be easier if I had more language."  The lady on the bus didn't say a word to me, but she showed me that she was concerned for me and that she has a kind heart.  Can't I do that very thing with strangers I encounter? 


Here's something else I thought of after my encounter on the bus.  I experience a VERY wide range of reactions from people in Tianjin.  There are some foreigners here, but not a ton.  Some people, like the lady on the bus, are incredibly kind and gracious when they see me, going out of their way to help me (probably because they sense I need LOTS of help). Many babies cry when they see me.  Sometimes people stare.... Okay, often people stare.  Proud parents try to force their shy and probably terrified children to practice their English with me.  Yesterday an old man shook my hand and refused to let go, and then proceeded to follow me.  Sometimes the kids who aren't crying at the sight of me smile and wave at me.  But no matter how other people react, I can be kind and loving, even if that means saying nothing - just offering a smile and giving someone my seat on the bus.

I've been reading...

A good friend of mine recommended the book "Love Does" by Bob Goff.  I'm about 2/3 of the way through it, and I'm really enjoying it!  It's a pretty easy read and the author is really funny.  Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book so far. 

"I once heard somebody say that God had closed a door on an opportunity they had hoped for.  But I've always wondered if, when we want to do something that we know is right and good, God places that desire deep in our hearts because He wants it for us and it honors Him.  Maybe there are times when we think a door has been closed and, instead of misinterpreting the circumstances, God wants us to kick it down.  Or perhaps just sit outside of it long enough until somebody tells us we can come in."

"I used to think Jesus motivated us with ultimatums, but now I know He pursues us in love."

"It has always seemed to me that broken things, just like broken people, get used more; it's probably because God has more pieces to work with." 

"When people realize there's no agenda other than friendship and better understanding, it changes things."

"I get the invitation every morning when I wake up to actually live a life of complete engagement, a life of whimsy, a life where love does.  It doesn't come in an envelope.  It's ushered in by a sunrise, the sound of a bird, or the smell of coffee drifting lazily from the kitchen.  It's the invitation to actually live, to fully participate in this amazing life for one more day... Turning down this invitation comes in many flavors.  It looks like numbing yourself or distracting yourself or seeing something really beautiful as just normal.  It can also look like refusing to forgive or not being grateful or getting wrapped around the axle by fear or envy.  I think ever day God sends us an invitation to live and sometimes we forget to show up or get fake-headed into thinking we haven't really been invited.  But you see, we have been invited - every day, all over again." 

"We don't always know where He's headed or what to expect along the way.  But I think direction is the point, the part, and the whole of it.  He wants followers, not just onlookers or people taking notes.  Plus, I think God knows that if I found out more than just the direction He was going, I'd probably try to beat Him there."

 "Tell me about the God you love; tell me about what He has inspired uniquely in you; tell me about what you're going to do about it, and a plan for your life will be pretty easy to figure out from there."