Foster Care and Dating: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Back in November I shared that I was going through foster care classes and preparing my home to possibly take in other people's children...to give them a soft place to land when their lives seem out of control.  I shared the uncertainty of it...the excitement of it...and the fear wrapped up in it. And then I was silent for several months.

Well, I eventually finished my foster training and paperwork.  I was the only single person in all of my classes.  In fact, I was the only person in most of my classes.  I gathered beds, toys, clothes, and all things baby-proof.  I made fire escape maps and researched daycares.  Then I got the email.  "Congratulations...you are officially a licensed foster parent!"  I stared at the computer screen, unsure of whether I should laugh or cry.  I had absolutely no idea what to do next.

As I began to pray about whether or not I could handle being a single parent to someone else's traumatized child, something crazy happened.  I had dinner with a friend and her newly adopted daughter, and during that dinner I expressed my uncertainty about how to proceed and whether or not I had lost my mind.  My friend thought for a minute and said, "I know a guy who is a single foster parent.  You should pick his brain and see how he is making it work."

A single. foster. dad.  I wanted to say, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING THIS GUY?!?" but instead I said, "Okay, cool."  Fast forward a few weeks, and I'm going on a first date with cute single foster dad.  The next day, the first date with his foster kids of about a month. It was love at first sight on all three counts.

Now, before I get into all of the challenges this very unusual dating situation presents, let me say that I love this man. I love these children.  I LOVE our love story.  We are stumbling through parenting and dating together, and I truly wouldn't trade it.

But it is hard.  It's messy and stressful and overwhelming. Dating is one thing, but dating with two tiny foster kid chaperones is something else entirely.  I can't even begin to describe the emotional roller coaster it's been.  To have a child sweetly say "will you be my real mom?" one day and shout "YOU AREN'T EVEN MY REAL FAMILY!" the next is something new to me. To clean up puke and wipe the bottoms and noses of kids who aren't entirely sure they can trust you is so humbling.  To pour into children, love them, hug them, tuck them in at night, and then have them come back from visitation and say, "My mom doesn't like you.  She says you can't hug me anymore." is so frustrating.  But still, we love, hug, and tuck. We get to experience firsts with them, have bed time heart-to-hearts, earn their trust, make mistakes and learn from them.  Some days are easier than others.  Some days we laugh more than others.  Some days I cry because I love them so much.  Sometimes I cry because I just want to go on a spontaneous date with my boyfriend and have a quiet, uninterrupted dinner. I never thought this would be my life. But it is, and I'm thankful.

So whether you are fostering or thinking about fostering, married or single, be encouraged.  It's hard, but it's a beautiful kind of hard that will show you what love really is, and you won't regret it.

China's behind me...what's ahead?

Hello, blog.  It's been awhile.

It's hard to believe I've been back in the States for 5 months.  So much has happened....and yet I feel like so little has happened.  Part of me misses the adventure of everyday life, but most of me enjoys the simplicity of running to the post office and leaving without shedding a single tear, reading every ingredient in everything in my grocery cart just because I can, and driving.  Ohhhhhh, the freedom of driving.

So now that China's behind me, I've been spending a great deal of time praying about what's ahead of me.

When I named this blog just before moving to China, it was my hope that Jesus would enable me to love in such a way during my time overseas that ripples would be created, even in just one life, that would reach out and shine Light into the hearts of others. I can't say whether or not that was accomplished, but what I can say is that China created ripples in me... The scary part is that ripples are impossible to control once they're in motion.

This blog has become a collection of memories that I truly cherish.  I'm not really one to journal -- I have about a hundred barely-started journals scattered throughout my house -- so I really prefer to record my experiences here.  It's harder to misplace the internet than a notebook, after all.

I feel like I'm rambling. So. What's ahead...ripples...recording experiences.

Before I get into what's ahead, here's some backstory.

So apparently foster care is what's next for me. I'm not sure what it will look like, whether I will only do respite care or if I will foster full-time, but I've started the classes and endless paperwork. I have beds and a car seat.  I'm now CPR certified and have answered all kinds of awkward, personal questions. I'm figuring out how to kid-proof my kidless home.  I'm terrified, overwhelmed, hopeful, and excited to see what God is going to do with this unexpected season of my life! I am incredibly ill-equipped, but our God is able to accomplish amazing things through even the most broken vessels.

The reason I'm sharing this in a somewhat public place is for this reason:  When I took to the internet to find support/encouragement/advice about being a single foster parent, there was next to nothing.  So I am BY NO MEANS an expert, and quite frankly, I'm really afraid that I'm going to crash and burn and it will all be documented on the internet FOREVER, but if I at least share what I'm learning as I'm learning it, maybe someone else who is considering walking this single-parent-by-choice road and is thinking, "Am I crazy?!?" will discover that yes, you are in fact crazy, but you are not alone.

So there it is.  Life after China.

Look who's available for adoption!

There are a lot of things I miss about China, but my little buddy RanRan is at the very top of the list.  God graciously allowed me to be a part of his life while I was in Tianjin, and I'm so thankful.  A while back, I blogged about RanRan and his new shoes.  I cried and cried after I was able to give him those shoes -- his only worldly possession.  My friends and I prayed for the orphanage to prepare his paperwork and make him available for adoption, and just before I left to come back to America, they told me they would do his paperwork!  At 8 years old he's finally being given the chance to have a forever family.  Again, I cried and cried.  Then, last week, I found him online.  He's listed as Jamie with Heartsent Adoptions.  Look at him!  He's so big, sitting up and wearing his shoes. :)  God has been so faithful through this journey with RanRan so far, and I know He will continue to fight for this sweet boy.  I'm praying someone will see his picture and fall in love with him like I did.  He deserves an amazing mommy and daddy!

Back in Dayton

For everyone who has asked me, "How is it being back in Dayton?" my answer is this:

Amazing. Difficult, but amazing.

The initial stress of no job/car/money/place to live were overwhelming, but God has been faithful and my people have been amazing.  My family and friends are what I missed most while I was in China, and they are what has made coming home so sweet. My Savior, my constant Companion, is who sustained me while I was in China, and He has been the one who has continued to walk with me since I got back.

My mom has been a wonderful, patient, constant source of support for me since I came back.  She let me stay with her until I could get back into my house.  She drove me around for days searching for a car.  She drove me to job interviews.  Her fiancé has been equally great, helping me move and taking on projects at my house.  They encouraged me when I was so overwhelmed all I could do was sit on the couch and cry.

Then my brother and his family came to Ohio for a visit.  For anyone who is an aunt or uncle, I don't need to explain what that did for my heart.  I just can't believe God chose me to be their aunt.  That's purely God's grace. My sister-in-law asked about China and listened to my stories.  My brother helped me replace the walls in my leaky shower and helped me move back into my house.  I think I speak for all little sisters out there when I say we would never make it without our big brothers.

I had the privilege of seeing some of my China friends in Dayton this month.  I loved sharing Dayton with them and seeing the city I love through their eyes.  I'm so thankful for the friends I made while I was in China and the experiences we shared together!

This past weekend was a "whirlwind weekend" that was full of celebrating friendships and celebrating life. There were surprise baby showers, pancakes, bridal showers, cupcakes, photo shoots, giant balloons, worshiping together, sitting around the fire, laughter, tears and goodbyes.  I walked away from the weekend needing a nap but with a heart filled to the brim with thankfulness and love for these beautiful women.

Something that has made such an impression on me over the past several years is what a gift godly community is.  It's something that is difficult at times and takes effort, but it makes life so much richer.  There's nothing like having a group of people who constantly point you back to Jesus, remind you of the big picture, pray for you, pull weeds at your house, put together dining room tables and bed frames, let you love their children and spend time in their homes, ask hard questions, rejoice with one another, grieve with one another, and genuinely love one another....people who tough love you when it's necessary and listen sympathetically when that's the only thing they can do to help.  

This morning I woke up to puddles on my kitchen countertops.  The drawers were full of water...the cabinets were full of water.  In that moment, all I could do was sit on the kitchen floor and cry.  I was frustrated and overwhelmed.  I was mad.  Mad at this house I love/hate, mad at the rain, mad that I have to deal with homeowner problems alone. So I took a breath, prayed, and sent out an SOS text to two friends who immediately responded with "I'll be right over" and "I'll be there after work."  That's the kind of people I get to call "friends."  

So there you have it.  If you're wondering how it feels to be back in Dayton, that's my answer.  It's hard, but it's amazing.  My house is leaky and my bank account is empty, but I have amazing people put into my path by a gracious God. 

The art of playing dumb

Oftentimes, playing dumb keeps us expats out of trouble.

"What's that? Can't ride my bike through here?  Sorry, I don't understand.  Bye bye!" "Hmm?  I can't take pictures of this?  Huh?  Sorry...don't understand."  *click, click, click*

There are other times when playing dumb isn't quite as effective.  Hitting a pedestrian with your bike is one of those times.

I may not publish this for a while...at least until my mother knows I'm safely back on US soil...so for reference I'm writing this on May 17, 2014, 5 days after my run-in with the Tianjin Police. This past Monday I was riding my bike home from a nearby shopping center.  I had paid my phone bill, gotten some food for dinner, and it was a beautiful day.  There are few things I love more on a beautiful day than riding my bike around China.  On this particular day, I had left school early and I was enjoying a stress-free ride home with very little traffic.

Cue careless lady stepping out from behind a parked car and into the street.

Before I get into the details of what followed, let's review my China traffic record:  2 years and 0 accidents.  Aside from the time I fell in the mud, I have ridden hundreds of miles and had no mishaps. I'd call that a pretty good record.  So fast forward to this past Monday when the woman basically walked into my moving bicycle.

The nice thing about my bike is that it gets me from point A to point B pretty quickly.  The bad thing is that when you hit something you're likely moving fairly fast.  So I was cruising along when I saw this lady step out from behind a parked car a few feet ahead of me.  I don't really know where she was crossing to, as there was nowhere to go on the other side of the road, but she was on a mission and wasn't paying attention to who may be driving or riding past.

Let me stop here to say that YOU SHOULD ALWAYS LOOK BOTH WAYS!  Especially in China!  Always, always look both ways.  No one actually follows the traffic laws, so don't assume you can meander safely across the street.

Anyway. I saw her step into the street, but I was already right on top of her so I rang my bell, yelled, and tried to miss her but it was impossible. I plowed into her and sent us both flying.  Thankfully I was wearing a helmet, but she wasn't so lucky.  She busted her face on the street, and I'm not sure exactly how I fell because I was down and back up before I even had a chance to think about what had just happened.  My injuries would suggest I fell on my right arm/elbow, which was in turn jammed into my right side.  After I scrambled back to my feet, I grabbed my bike and started to move out of the middle of the road, looking down to check on the lady I had hit.  She was sitting up so I thought, phewf, she's okay.  About that time she grabbed my bike and started screaming at me.  We're talking arms and legs wrapped around my bike, top-of-her-lungs screaming at me.  In Chinese.  Screaming. Hanging onto my bike for dear life.

I've heard horror stories about foreigners getting into accidents in China, and from what I can tell they are always found to be at fault, even if they were an innocent passerby trying to stop and help.  So all I knew was I was probably already in big troubs and I shouldn't say anything to get myself into more trouble.  The more she screamed, the more I pretended I didn't speak a word of Chinese.  I just repeated every foreigner's favorite phrase - ting bu dong - over and over.  "I hear but I don't understand!  I hear but I don't understand!"  She screamed louder, yanking on my bike.  I yanked back. All I could think was, "Get off of my bike, you lunatic." She started clawing at my bike and at me, taking out her phone and waving it around, yelling to people walking by for help as if I were attacking her. She drew quite a crowd.  People tried to talk to me and I stuck to my guns - ting bu dong, ting bu dong, ting bu dong.  I have never been so terrified or unsure what to do.  Eventually I was able to get my phone out of my backpack and call a man from work. He happened to be with a Chinese friend who talked to the hysterical lady and calmed her down a scosche, although she still wouldn't let go of my bike and by this point she was pressing her body against me and yelling directly into my ear.  I was going from compassionate and scared to angry really fast.  Too bad I don't know how to say, "Stop touching me, you crazy bat!"

Cue the police officer.

He and I stood there staring at each other for several minutes because he didn't speak English and I was crying and still refusing to speak Chinese.  I thought, "This is it.  I have less than a month left here and I'm going to spend it in Chinese jail. I can't. I'll never make it."  I got the guy from school back on the phone and he assured me that they were looking for a Chinese staff member who could get there quickly and help.  In the meantime, the police man convinced the lady to take a few steps away from me, and the urge to punch her subsided.  Eventually some people from school showed up to help and the crowd of onlookers dispersed.  I called a friend to come and take my bike home lest it be confiscated.  The Chinese women from school negotiated with the police man for a few hours.  There was talk of taking me (to where, I'm still not sure), taking my bike away, making me pay the lady's medical bills (although she was clearly fine), etc.  Finally we decided that it was in everyone's best interest to settle it there and be done with it.  So my friends and I pooled together enough money to satisfy the crazy jaywalker and police officer (who I'm convinced somehow made a profit off of this), and we got the heck out of there.

Our God is able!

Here are some new pictures of ShenShen.  How adorable is she?!?  Please continue to keep her in your prayers!  Pray that God will send a family for her soon, and that her health will remain stable in the meantime.

There are exciting things in the works for this little peanut.  I can't wait to see what the next few months have in store for her!  Huge mountains need to be moved for ShenShen to have a family, but our God is able! 

And though she be but little, she is fierce.  ~Shakespeare

...according to the graces we have received

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat... Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work.  -Mother Teresa