Well, I eventually finished my foster training and paperwork. I was the only single person in all of my classes. In fact, I was the only person in most of my classes. I gathered beds, toys, clothes, and all things baby-proof. I made fire escape maps and researched daycares. Then I got the email. "Congratulations...you are officially a licensed foster parent!" I stared at the computer screen, unsure of whether I should laugh or cry. I had absolutely no idea what to do next.
As I began to pray about whether or not I could handle being a single parent to someone else's traumatized child, something crazy happened. I had dinner with a friend and her newly adopted daughter, and during that dinner I expressed my uncertainty about how to proceed and whether or not I had lost my mind. My friend thought for a minute and said, "I know a guy who is a single foster parent. You should pick his brain and see how he is making it work."
A single. foster. dad. I wanted to say, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING THIS GUY?!?" but instead I said, "Okay, cool." Fast forward a few weeks, and I'm going on a first date with cute single foster dad. The next day, the first date with his foster kids of about a month. It was love at first sight on all three counts.
Now, before I get into all of the challenges this very unusual dating situation presents, let me say that I love this man. I love these children. I LOVE our love story. We are stumbling through parenting and dating together, and I truly wouldn't trade it.
But it is hard. It's messy and stressful and overwhelming. Dating is one thing, but dating with two tiny foster kid chaperones is something else entirely. I can't even begin to describe the emotional roller coaster it's been. To have a child sweetly say "will you be my real mom?" one day and shout "YOU AREN'T EVEN MY REAL FAMILY!" the next is something new to me. To clean up puke and wipe the bottoms and noses of kids who aren't entirely sure they can trust you is so humbling. To pour into children, love them, hug them, tuck them in at night, and then have them come back from visitation and say, "My mom doesn't like you. She says you can't hug me anymore." is so frustrating. But still, we love, hug, and tuck. We get to experience firsts with them, have bed time heart-to-hearts, earn their trust, make mistakes and learn from them. Some days are easier than others. Some days we laugh more than others. Some days I cry because I love them so much. Sometimes I cry because I just want to go on a spontaneous date with my boyfriend and have a quiet, uninterrupted dinner. I never thought this would be my life. But it is, and I'm thankful.
So whether you are fostering or thinking about fostering, married or single, be encouraged. It's hard, but it's a beautiful kind of hard that will show you what love really is, and you won't regret it.
